So what is it really? More than just an emotion, that's for sure. Something that any human being, in any stage of their life, strives to achieve.
From the moment we are born our sole focus is to create an environment in which we can be happy. We ponder it, we question it, and we reassure ourselves before questioning it again.
I am something of a negator when it comes to the big things in life. "Why would I want to study and get a degree, all it will do is put me in debt" and "Why should I strive to achieve when it's the no-hopers that get everything for free?". "Who says marriage is a good idea, in three years I might despise you!". "Children? You mean drooling, pooping, screaming machines..."
Truth is, I am just so reluctant to grow up, because it means that I must make all these life-changing decisions, and being unhappy is a very real danger. Gone are the days when happiness was achieved with a lollipop, or a compliment from a teacher.
I am now at the stage where I must create a happy LIFE for myself, rather than just temporary enjoyment. Scary stuff, huh?
So here is the situation. I am part-way through a degree that I am finding pleasantly interesting. I have a career in mind, but I also have the worry that I will be unable to acheive said career, and be left with some hideous monotonous job and a large loan to repay.
I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, who supports me both financially and emotionally. I can see myself embarking on all the journeys life has to offer, hand in hand with him. But who's to say that he won't wake up tomorrow and decide he's had enough of me?
What if... what if, one day I end up with nobody to love and no roof over my head? You see, happiness can trick you into a false sense of security. It pretends to be your friend until one day it favours some other lucky soul and you fall into the clutches of misery.
Unhappiness is an ever-present fear. Surely I am not alone in this mindest.
In my short 22 years, I have (and I'm certain others have too) experienced uplifting delight , right the way down to soul-crushing dejection, and everything in between. But stangely enough, it's the positive things that stand out. Like the fact that I once toppled down a rocky cliff, yet all my bones remain unbroken. Positive right? Or the way the end of one relationship opened the door to another.
Watch out, this is corny, but there IS a silver lining for everything. You just have to make the most of it.
This morning, for some unbeknown reason, I had an epiphany. And my epiphany was this, why do we stress about being happy, when the means to achieve it are right in front of us? We need to learn to appreciate the little things we are thankful for, beacause these are the things that will never let us down.
Instead of worrying about calories, add some more chocolate sauce, because you know you want to. Stop complaining that technology is taking over the world, and enjoy the fact that someone "liked" your photo. Be happy that there are no clouds in the sky, even if a storm is forecast for tomorrow. Don't worry that another birthday means another year older, just revel in the presence of cake and gifts! Instead of stressing about the big questions, just recognise all those little morsels of joy, they're what will really get you through life. Instead of saying "what have I achieved?", look forward to all the things that are still to come.
Don't pretend it doesn't please you when you get a kiss on the cheek in the morning. Or when your cat greets you at the door after a hard day. These are the things we must learn to acknowledge. That way, happiness is a realistic, achievable goal.
My aim is to recognise all the things that put a smile on my face, be they small and trivial, or life-changing. Am I searching desperately for reassurance? Perhaps. But at least I know that I'm striving for something real, and enjoying it in the process.
Perhaps that's what achieving happiness truly feels like. Perhaps.
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