You see, I am the kind of person who will take every situation, and over think it. I will find things to worry about, even when worrisome things don't exist. I will lose sleep over imaginary happenings. It's exhausting, it really is. Inventing scenarios in my head, and convincing myself that they will unfold. Perhaps I'm mildly schizophrenic. I may just be a chronic worry-wart. Either way I know it's pointless, but I can't prevent it. I have an ever-present fear that I'm not performing as I should be, or that I'm upsetting or offending people. I secretly hope I'm not alone in this mindset, that there are others who suffer this same insanity. But really, this is not the way the most advanced minds on the planet should function! Constantly pressuring ourselves to be acceptably "normal".
I wish I could say I'm someone who is oblivious to what other people think. The freedom must be extraordinary. Doing whatever you please, as it suits you. I know what you're thinking, you should live like that anyway! Who cares! If only it were that simple. I ask myself questions like, "I bought this 2 years ago, can I still wear it?" or "Will people think I'm rude if I don't go?" As humans, the approval of our peers is essential to our well-being. Even though we will defensively deny it over and over. We will tell ourselves we are happy with our decisions. But in reality if there's nobody to support us, we only continue justifying things because we feel we have a point to prove. So we say "screw them, I am going to go ahead with this idiotic endeavor because I know I am right". But then comes the little niggling in our brains, the questioning of one's motives. "Maybe they aaaare right, maybe it is a waste of time". Etc etc. And the need for approval defeats us. Social pressure rears its ugly head. Sometimes, we indulge in hobbies, not for the enjoyment but for the the label they'll give us. Or we spend hours in the morning fretting over which outfit is more flattering. Just admit it. Sadly, even the approval of strangers can alter our sense of comfort. A stare is enough to make us assume they're judging us. Or if they ignore us, we're either too ugly to be worthy of eye contact, or they're just rude.This is complete madness of course, we know it's not even true yet our minds tell us that it could be, therefore its a plausible cause for discomfort.
Intertwined with all this feeble uneasiness, there is also the pressure to live up to life's expectations. We're paranoid about having a reputable job. Paranoid that we will not be married by a certain age. We want to live up to all those cliches that we associate with a happy and successful lifestyle. A loving husband, a nice house, multiple well-behaved children. Things that we can be proud of. I don't know who got to decide that this is the way life should be. Oh wait, I do know, it's called Society. Society rules the subconscious minds of us all. We feel like we're letting ourselves down if we don't comply with the socially acceptable way of doing things. We do not what we want to do, but what the people around us want to see. Sometimes I want to just throw all that out the window. I want to climb a tree, never mind the fact that I'm an adult and we're in a public park. I want to buy a farm with pigs and live there, writing all day, in among my passionfruit vines. Who cares about a real job! But I never would, because of the social burden, and the label it might give me. Okay, so maybe that's a little over the top. I do have ambitions. But I want them to be fueled by desire, not by social pressure.
So the challenge is this. I want my brain to stop arguing with itself every day, over what I should and shouldn't do. I want to exterminate the doubt. Do things based on my own opinion, and not fret about what other people might think or assume. So far I've made a goal to be happy about everything, and a goal to continue welcoming love. This will be the hardest one yet. But if we all did it, there would be a lot more people in the world with smiles on their faces. If you can truthfully say you aren't a victim of social pressure, then admire you more than you'll ever know. As for the rest of us, if you dream of living a spontaneous, rootless life, do it. Make a crazy investment that you will undoubtedly regret later on down the track. If it's a thrill for a moment or two, then it's worth it. If your goal is to have a husband and a house and a perfect family, go for it. But do it because you want to, not because it's expected. My fellow first-world-worriers, free your minds of social pressure, and perhaps we'll accomplish something more than just a daily headache.
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