If I were a cartoon character, I would be one of those big red lovehearts, with arms and legs and a face. Walking around making people love each other. Like cupid, except I'd be way cooler and I wouldn't be naked. My own heart is too big for my own good. I fall in love too easily. I stumbled awkwardly through my adolescence, foolishly believing I was genuinely in love with a multitude of males. There was probably a new crush-candidate for each month of my high school life. Admittedly, most of them I just watched creepily from afar, always too scared to emit a single word while in their presence, but still somehow managing to make my feelings embarrassingly obvious. And more than once, I threw myself headfirst into relationships that were completely dysfunctional, thinking that love would undoubtedly see us through. Blind to everything negative. A lot has changed since then.
You would think that my being so full of love would mean that my heart is open to everyone. Not quite. I don't have love for the guy who shares his B.O with me on the bus. Nor for the people who jump the queue at the supermarket, and then pretend they're innocent. Also, love, when it's openly displayed, makes me horrendously uncomfortable. I am no fan of public displays of affection. Holding hands at the shops makes me mildly embarrassed. If people kiss, I want to yell at them to go home. Yes yes we all know you're his and he's yours. No need to bombard us with it. I've never really enjoyed big romantic gestures either. Perhaps I've just never had them directed at me, so I am unfamiliar with the fondness one is meant to feel. Having flowers delivered to work for example, that's nice, but may cause unwanted attention for people who wish to remain invisible. The thought of a public proposal makes me cringe, regardless of the fact that it's not at all likely in my near future. My own contradiction confuses me. I guess love is like anything, I like it when it's not thrust in my face.
Love, just like happiness, is a very heavy word. It builds hope, but also has the power to shatter it. It alters the way people think and act, sometimes substituting common sense for idiocy. Sometimes making us believe things that are so blindingly false that we shouldn't even be allowed to call ourselves humans. Because humans are smarter than that. They're not influenced by magnetic impulses right? Wrong. Love and attraction completely override all the rules of rationality. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Entertaining sure, when it's not you who is making a hopeless fool out of herself in the name of love.
So when it comes to love, where do we draw the line? It enriches our lives, yet we can't allow it to control them.We can't sacrifice everything for it, and we can't spend our lives searching for it, even though countless others before us have. If it's unrequited love, life is miserable. If only daisy petals really could decide for us. Loves me, loves me not. Settled, and we accept it graciously either way. Rather than having the heartbreak and the rejection and the moping. Even when it's consensual, it still drives people crazy. But love also makes people kind. It makes people selfless, and open to more possibilities than they would otherwise recognize. Family love, friendly love, romantic love and passion. In this ever-changing, money-hungry world, love needs to be more dominant. I've been hurt, I've been lied to and walked all over. Yet I welcome love like I welcome sunshine and ice cream. I have a heart and I have a brain. I listen to them both. It may make me vulnerable, but it's the best way to be.
"WHEN WE'RE HUNGRY, LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE"
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